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What is Paradise???

Life can be painful at times. No doubt about it. I see it all the time when working through the process of healing. People often say “I can’t take this amount of pain” or “How can I get away from this pain and return my life to a more peaceful state”. What occurs to me is that we live in a world that gives us the message that pain is something we avoid and when it occurs, which it does across our entire lives, the first thought is get rid of it. I am not saying that experiencing life’s painful moments is such a wonderful thing and in fact when it hits, its certainly horrible. Someone we love lets us down or betrays our trust or doesn’t care about us (one of our greatest fears is that we don’t matter) and when that moment hits, our first thought from the over thinking brain is to make sense of the pain by wanting to know “why” did this happen.

Whether we realize it or not, we humans are meaning makers. Whenever we are stuck in traffic or someone hurts us, our first question is why is this happening and whatever thought we come up with is an attempt to restore that ground under our feet. Our frantic brain scrambles around seeking answers (oh there was an accident that’s why traffic is so jammed). We might also even come up with an answer such as this happened because (see the meaning making) I am unworthy of love and respect and the list goes on and on. The problem is that when we leave this important work of seeking meaning to a brain that has constant chatter and takes both sides of any argument, we tend to get more confused and overwhelmed.

Alas!!! There is also an opportunity here to change a situation of pain to one that includes pain but changes the meaning of that pain. What if you don’t need the answer right now? What if for just a moment you suppose that all wisdom is born from painful situations and that every time a painful moment hits, you are on the cusp of learning something new? How might his change your reaction to painful experiences? What might happen? Oh the fearful ego brain with its constant chatter will try to tell you, “WTF, you have to have an answer for this or something bad might happen” or “you don’t know how to handle this situation but I am here as your ever present servant to assist you by telling you to read his/her emails, find out who they are texting so you can be sure this won’t happen again, or try to change your bosses mind about you so you feel more secure in your job” and on and on and on it goes spinning you down a path that creates even more chaos and confusion. FEAR!!!

Getting to paradise means that you stop listening to the constant chatter and when pain hits, you create space for it by being compassionate with yourself in that moment of pain. Learning to realize that you can in fact rise above the pain and grow as a person (notice I said learning) as a result of the pain. This gives us confidence in our ability to know that no matter what life throws at us (and it will time and time again) that we can in fact be compassionate with ourselves and begin to grow as a human as a result of painful moments.

Submitted By: Donna Murphy
Website:http://dmmurphy.com

Donna Murphy holds a Master’s degree in Social Work and is registered with the Alberta College of Social Workers. She is a therapist who specializes in individual/couples and family counselling, a Certified Meditation Instructor, and is Certified in Adult Education. Her approach is to use a combination of spiritual and various counselling techniques.

Donna’s private practice involves working with couples, co-parenting, blended families, parenting issues, stress/anxiety and healing from trauma. Her approach to therapy integrates her meditation, spirituality, mind/body connection and cognitive reshaping. She has been practicing for 11 years in a variety of settings such as government, employee assistance programs, lunch and learn sessions and working for non-profit organizations .

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Loving Your Ego

Loving Your Ego

Learning to Love your Ego is a long process.  The first step is identifying it and appreciating that it is an integral part of you.  We all have little voices in our heads – you aren’t crazy!  When you hear the voices, start trying to define them and you are well on your way to differentiating between your Ego, Spirit Guides and Angels.

Remember when you were small, and your parent could make you feel even smaller by saying they were disappointed in you, that you weren’t living up to your potential?  Ego has a little recording studio and will often use your parents’ voices to remind you that you are not all you think you are.  But that doesn’t make it true.  That doesn’t make it valid.  You have to realize that as you have grown, every step you have taken is one toward being your better self, living your life’s purpose and doing the very best you can with what you have.  When you allow that self-talk come in and mess up what you are now doing, you are giving your Ego too much power.

Our Ego, the “disapproving parent”, often responds based on fear, or feelings of lack of control of a situation.  Ego is the voice that says you look chubby in that dress, or that you shouldn’t try something for fear of failure or potential embarrassment.  When you hear your ego, try to remember that it is not always right.  You are much too hard on yourself and the measures it takes to keep you ‘safe’ are often contrary to what you really want or need to do.

Ego also has a hair trigger in regard to those things you feel would potentially hurt you.  It will cause rampant thoughts and work you into quite a frenzy over the littlest things.

We all have a rational mind, but usually don’t use it in regard to these little things, and then find ourselves worrying and stressed over things that really don’t deserve our attention.  Learning to identify where you personally fly off the handle, or move to emotion too quickly, can help you to better live in grace.

Taking things very personally is sign that your Ego is taking over too much.  Nothing happens to you, it happens around you, and how you deal with it, is very much your choice.  When someone pushes your buttons, take a moment to reflect why you are responding in the manner you are.  Are they reflecting something back to you that you and your Ego don’t admire about yourself?  Can you step back and realize that what they have said is coming from their reality and their perception, and really not about YOU at all?  Being able to step out of Ego is one of the most important things you need to learn in order to feel happy.

We also have our own personal cheerleading squad, a.k.a your Spirit Guides & Angels.  You will find yours conveniently located in your subconscious supporting you, using your own intuition and connecting you to your higher self.

When you are faced with a brilliant idea or perhaps a challenge, and Ego steps up to say “don’t do it!” you have the ability to calm your mind, lovingly say “Ego, please step aside while I sort this out”.  Ego will, with practice, step aside so you can have a calm, loving and positive conversation with your cheerleading squad.

So after a day of learning to connect with your higher self, you snuggle into your bed and then it happens, “Monkey Brain” has kicked in and un-snuggling has commenced…  You lay there, sorting out the day’s events, yesterday’s events and the day before that, generating chaos and creating anxiety for the day to come.  This, again, is your Ego in full motion.

It’s all good though!  It truly believes it’s keeping you safe.  Seriously.  Remedy:  simply say “Thank you Ego, I appreciate all you do for me and now please go away”.  Now you can just relax your mind and body and receive restful messages from the Angels and Guides that you are indeed in control, good things are coming your way, and you can solve any issue that has been set before you.  This will take some practice, the Ego doesn’t come with an on/off switch, but trust me you can build one.

Ego also lets us take credit for those things we should be grateful for.  Starting to identify when we are coming from Ego instead of coming from a place of grace is also good practice for learning to sort out our thoughts.

When someone says “Job well done”, and you automatically say something back like “it wasn’t a big deal, anyone could have done it”, you have now started to let your Ego define our self-worth.  This is not a good thing.  If indeed it wasn’t a big deal, and anyone could have done it, then why did you?  Step into grace and thank people instead.  Resist the need to provide a compliment back as well unless you earnestly mean it.  You have to learn to receive gratitude and say thank you in a graceful way or you are letting Ego take over.

Again, learning to Love your Ego can be a long process but now you have some new tools in your evolutionary accessory kit. The first step is identifying it and appreciating that it is an integral part of you.  It has helped to shape you thus far.  Love it even though it sometimes undermines your confidence, and step up and embrace the other voices in your head that give you love, healing and understanding.  You have everything you need already within you to assist you on your path of living joyfully and with purpose.  Love your Ego!  It has a purpose, it has a place, and it loves you back!

So, stand in your personal power, pull the strength from your Solar Plexus Chakra, and instead ask the Angels and Guides to show you how it will work, how it can work, and how you can be successful.